THERE'S NOTHING FUNNY IN MUSKEGON, MI!
This man's wife left him for a donkey painted to look like a zebra in Tiajuana and now he has to get all his tattoos covered up. That's when you head down to my buddy's at Sky Images Custom Tattoo and Body Piercing. Ken and the gang were cool motherfuckers out there in Muskegon, got me drunk, high, smoked me out, threw pussy at me, did everything they could to show me a good time when it's 10 below. So go to www.sky-images-tattooing.com and check'em out, and if you're in Muskegon get a tattoo, maybe this one, I think this pretty well sums up the way I feel about the Fox network. I think this constitutes my first comercial endorsement...WHORE! Ha, whore's get paid and there in lies the fundamental difference between comics and whores. I meet guys at the openmics all the time who tell me, "Man I can't wait until I can do what you're doing," sleeping on couches, mooching off my family, driving all over the country just to get drunk and stoned and shot down by waitresses...yeah it's pretty cool actually.
So you want to be a roaddog, better get used to dealing with shit, After the third time the toilet backs up into the shower you ask for a new room, then at 1PM the next day you wake up hungover from the show and decide to finally take a shower only to find out the plumbing from room 2 is connected to the plumbing in room 3, BRILLIANT! Fortunately I've spent enough time down in Mexico that this is nothing new to me. In Baja plumbing is a luxury, personally I prefer a bucket with a seat. There's nothing like sitting on a desert beach taking a crap while starring straight at a Carnival cruise ship going by to make you feel like you're on vacation. Anyways happy holidays and if anybody cares I finally broke down and got a myspace account, www.myspace.com/scotshields, since every other comic on the planets got one. In case you're unfamiliar with myspace it's basically the internet for chics. Alright take it easy and see you next year.